"Hold my fucking hand, loser. We’re using the buddy system for the rest of our lives."

— How I’m going to propose  (via jovitaramos)

(Source: keepmywhiskeyneat, via distinctmemory)

edwad:

*phone rings*
“hello”
“hi! is your refrigerator running”
“yes it is”
“mine is as well! can’t wait to see your fridge at the race tomorrow”

(via australiansanta)

sidnugget:

when did i get this fat

(via iamboredsoipost)

faantasmic:

"i’m free."

rest in peace, robin williams.

(Source: moahna, via distinctmemory)

nicolasiscaged:

[12 year old kid from the 50s who plays baseball voice] why i oughta

(Source: 4titty, via australiansanta)

thottweiler:

ENOUGH

(Source: unclefather, via australiansanta)

africant:

The weekend comes I’m down with that
Grab your ball, grab your bat
Head to the beach, grab some rays
Better hurry up just got two days!

barfpop:

me during the interlude of a song leading to a nicki minaj’s verse

image

(via yer-a-blizzard-harreh)

(Source: memewhore, via australiansanta)

skinnywhitegirll:

lord-kitschener:

clestroying:

clestroying:

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off

image

O

(Source: clestroying, via yer-a-blizzard-harreh)

caseyanthonyofficial:

Having to explain a joke is like going to prom with your sister

(via distinctmemory)